and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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