i need an iv and a liver transplant
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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