So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i will never coherently bang her
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
