No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
