just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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