If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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