hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
