OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
