no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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