All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
