I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
