Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
