He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
