Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
