Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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