how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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