I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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