hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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