how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
