My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
