You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
