she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
