I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
