He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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