I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my shit smells like andre
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
