no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
