i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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