I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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