maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
