i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the day after is always just damage control
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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