Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
