Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
