Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
