Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
