i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize