I don't usually arrange sex via text message
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
