I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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