wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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