Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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