I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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