I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
