quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
