he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
