Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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