My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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