It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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