FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
