it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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