my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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