My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
