he wants to bone in the snuggie
i was born a porn star she said
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
