I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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