u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
