I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Enjoy the penises
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
