Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
