when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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