We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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