I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
