some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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