it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
