so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
