So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
