I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
