I wish I only lived at night.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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