How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
