Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
