why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
