this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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