its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
