there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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