Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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