i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
