I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
