i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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