i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
is it fun? or sober?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
