You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
