carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
