Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
