I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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