I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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