ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My brain says no but my pants say off.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't turn off my feet"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize