last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You're like the curious george of whores
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
