State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
