I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
