You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
