Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
