Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
