K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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