you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
