Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize