she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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