Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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